


cross your sorry heart and die for me

by tigerteeth



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Panic Attacks, getting caught
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-07
Updated: 2015-08-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 10:43:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4518831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigerteeth/pseuds/tigerteeth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>josh is broken and tyler's there to help put him back together</p><p>prompt: I'm a sucker for "other ppl finding out" fics. could you write something where tyler and josh have been together for a bit but no one else knows and they are like cuddling/fucking in their bunk and get caught?</p>
            </blockquote>





	cross your sorry heart and die for me

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this was a prompt someone sent me like. months ago, i'm so sorry. this is a weird angsty mess and I didn't really mean for this to happen but it just kinda came out. anyways.  
> inspired heavily by the songs "trouble" by halsey and "how" by the neighborhood

Tyler’s face is inches from Josh’s. 

“Hey.”

Josh is frozen. He can feel Tyler’s breath, hot and heavy against his face, and his hands are gripping his shoulders steadily.

“Josh, look at me. Can you breathe with me, please?” Tyler softens his voice.

Josh inhales a shaky breath but he can still feel his heart pounding in his chest wildly, and he can’t bring himself to look into Tyler’s eyes. He’s afraid. He grabs one of Tyler’s hands and squeezes it to try to regain a sense of balance. Tyler’s other hand moves up to caress the side of Josh’s neck and his thumb brushes over his jaw reassuringly. 

“I’m sorry,” Josh inhales.

“Josh, you don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m like this,” Josh whimpers, leaning into Tyler’s touch. He tightens his fingers around Tyler’s and tries to suppress a sob. 

“Breathe, breathe,” Tyler whispers, rubbing Josh’s neck. 

“ _Tyler_ ,” Josh gasps wetly, another sob wracking his body.

“I said it’s okay, Josh. I promise,” Tyler murmurs, leaning forwards and brushing his lips over Josh’s jaw. 

Josh freezes again.

“Is that okay?” Tyler pulls back and searches Josh’s face for a sign of approval.

“Tyler, god, I’m—I’m so fucking disgusting, please, I don’t deserve—” Josh is still struggling to breathe in, choked up, and he's staring at Tyler, his eyes filled with fear.

“Josh, don’t you _dare_ say something like that about yourself ever again,” Tyler whispers. 

“I don’t deserve someone like you. This can’t be happening to me, I don’t deserve it, I don’t—” Josh can’t breathe again and there are tears streaming down his face.

Tyler brushes the tears from Josh’s cheek and untangles their hands, lifting them to cradle Josh’s face. 

“I’m sorry, Tyler, I’m sorry,” Josh whines, his lip trembling. 

“Josh… Please.”

Josh hesitates. He places his own hands on either side of Tyler’s face, mirroring his actions, and sighs.

“Just show me.” Josh whispers, his eyes closed.

“Show you?”

“Show me that I’m okay _,_ ” Josh mumbles, leaning in to press his mouth against Tyler’s lips. There’s slight hesitation from both of them before Tyler presses back softly. Josh gasps, opening his mouth and moving with Tyler, their mouths slotting together gently. It’s slow and passionate and a strange heat flares up in Josh’s throat. Tyler moves away from Josh’s lips, peppering smaller kisses along his jawline and the corners of his mouth, and Josh’s throat bobs, trying to hold back another sob. 

He grips the back of Tyler’s neck, toying with the soft hair there, and pulls away just far enough to look into Tyler’s eyes.

“I need you.”

He reaches forward quickly and kisses Tyler again, lightly.

“I need you, I need you.” Josh repeats. 

He kisses Tyler sloppily.

“Please.”

Another kiss.

“ _Please_ , god, Tyler.”

Josh reaches forward again to capture Tyler’s mouth but Tyler stops him with a gentle hand on his cheek. He just rests their foreheads together and Josh closes his eyes, his throat tightening.

“Josh, I promise. You’re okay. We’re okay.”

Josh winces, nodding, and Tyler strokes his thumb across Josh’s cheekbone. Tyler parts his lips gently and presses them against Josh’s, swiping his tongue out over Josh’s bottom lip. They’re both trembling with anticipation and fervor and anxiety, and dripping with fear. Josh pushes his tongue against Tyler’s, searching for some sort of comfort in kissing him. It feels like an eternity before they both pull back, panting.

“I love you, Josh,” Tyler whispers.

Josh suddenly falls apart completely, overwhelmed, and collapses against Tyler’s chest, crying, tears rolling down his face, body heaving. He’s gritting his teeth, his throat burning, and he presses his palms to his eyes. He can feel Tyler’s hands flat against his shoulders and he lets himself fall to pieces under his touch. 

The words _I love you, too_ are stuck on Josh’s tongue but he can’t get it out. Not now. He knows that Tyler understands.

 

▽▽▽▽

 

Tyler and Josh consider themselves to be in a relationship now. At least as much as they can be. After Josh’s breakdown, they talked and came to the conclusion that they wouldn’t tell anybody. Josh can see the pain in Tyler’s eyes when they’re forced to pretend, and his chest constantly feels tight. He’s afraid. Extremely afraid.

 

▽▽▽▽

 

It’s late and Josh is desperate and tired of everything. They’ve been busy for days and he’s barely had alone time with Tyler. They stumble onto their bus at near 1 am and Josh grabs Tyler’s hand, tugging him gently to his bunk. Everyone else must be asleep by now.

“Josh…” Tyler’s voice is quiet and tentative. 

Josh lets out a low grunt in response and just throws his shirt off. Tyler stares at him for a minute and Josh eyes him, raising an eyebrow. Understanding, Tyler follows suit, his shirt hitting the floor a moment later. Josh wriggles out of his skinny jeans and watches as Tyler does the same. He holds back the curtain of his bunk and Tyler crawls in. Josh slips in beside him and tugs the curtain closed, concealing them both. 

Josh tucks his head into the crook of Tyler’s neck. “I miss you,” he mumbles. He feels Tyler’s fingers slide into his hair. 

“Shh… I’m right here.”

“I love you,” Josh whispers and he can feel his voice crack.

Tyler cards his fingers through Josh’s hair and then shifts slightly so he’s on top of him. He connects their lips briefly and then pulls back to look down at Josh. 

“I need you. Please,” Josh begs, his voice suddenly a desperate whine.

“Josh, what if somebody—”

“Just be quiet, _please_ , Tyler.” 

Tyler adjusts himself on top of Josh and Josh runs his hands up Tyler’s ribs. Tyler gets a leg between Josh’s thighs and kisses him again. It’s hot and Josh arches up against him, licking into his mouth. 

Josh’s heart is pounding with fear and anticipation but Tyler’s there so he feels safe and it’s the most content he’s been in a while. 

Tyler’s mouth is against his neck now, working down slowly, his hands pushing Josh’s hips to the bed. Josh wriggles a bit under the pressure and Tyler moves down his chest, sucking faint wet marks in a jagged line over his skin. Josh watches him with heavy eyelids, his breathing shallow. 

Tyler gets fully on top of him again, positioning himself in between Josh’s legs, and bucking his hips lightly. Josh almost audibly groans at the pressure of Tyler’s crotch against his and gets a hold of Tyler’s arms. They press together, close, and rut against one another. Josh wraps his legs around Tyler’s waist and whines when Tyler’s hand pushes between them to palm himself through his boxers. 

Tyler looks up, panting, and kisses Josh carelessly before pulling back. His fingers ghost over Josh’s waistband and he whispers, “Can I?” 

Josh squirms again, nodding frantically, and Tyler tugs at Josh’s underwear, pulling them down to his knees. Tyler’s hands press Josh’s thighs apart. He’s shaking and whimpering and Tyler is beginning to press kisses to the inside of his thighs. 

“Tyler, Tyler. Please. Touch me, oh _god_ ,” Josh whispers, running a shaking hand through his hair as he watches Tyler’s head between his legs, lips hovering just inches from his cock. His head is spinning and his ears are ringing and he can’t wrap his mind around anything but Tyler. 

And then someone is pulling the curtain to Josh’s bunk back angrily and Tyler is cursing and fumbling to get Josh’s boxers back up and Josh is shying away from the sudden light, trying to make himself disappear into the wall. 

“Josh can you please be—oh. _Oh_.” It’s Mark’s voice. 

It’s over in seconds and Josh’s heart is going to pound out of his chest. He can feel his throat closing up, tears welling up in his eyes. It’s his worst nightmare. Everything is coming back, he’s going to pass out. He can vaguely feel someone shaking him.

Tyler.

“Josh. Oh my god, Josh.”

An avalanche of fear hits Josh straight in the face and he’s scrambling out of the bunk, probably kicking Tyler in the process, and stumbling to the bathroom, locking the door. He sinks to the floor and buries his face in his hands. 

He lets himself cry. He lets himself cry for a long time. He knows Tyler is sitting outside the door, worried sick. When he lets him in, Tyler just drops to the floor and cradles Josh in his arms. 

“I should have known better.” Josh’s voice is weak.

Tyler drops a kiss to the top of his head, “It wasn’t your fault.”

“Tyler, you don’t understand. Nobody can know, they can’t—” His sentence is cut off by a sob. Tyler rubs his hand over his back slowly.

“Josh. Please don’t. Oh god,” Tyler whispers.

Josh’s eyes are red and puffy and he’s gripping on to Tyler’s arms tightly, “I’m disgusting.”

“Then am I disgusting?” 

Josh sighs, still not looking at Tyler. He’s silent.

“Josh, listen to me. It doesn’t matter. All of us will still always love you and nobody will judge you for who you sleep with or who you love. Especially not me. You mean everything to me and I hate that you think this way,” Tyler says, putting a finger under Josh’s chin, guiding him  up so they’re both looking at each other. There’s a pause and Josh’s eyes threaten to spill over with tears again. 

“I’m afraid, Tyler.” Josh’s voice wavers.

“I’m here. I’m always here.”

“I got bullied. Kids would beat me up. In high school. Some kids caught me and—” Josh is crying again and Tyler stops him, rubbing more circles into his back.

“Josh, oh my god. I swear I’m gonna make sure you’re safe. I love you so much. Nothing bad is going to happen to you ever again,” Tyler promises. There’s tears running down his face now as well and he takes in shaky breaths.

Josh knows he needs to say it now. The words are right on the tip of his tongue. 

He and Tyler continue to hold each other, curled up on the bathroom floor. When Josh puts himself back together, sitting back to wipe his eyes, he swallows the lump in his throat.

“Tyler.” His voice sounds funny but he doesn’t care.

Tyler looks at him, a broken look in his eyes that make Josh’s heart pound.

“Thank you.” Josh whispers, and presses a soft kiss to Tyler’s lips. Tyler’s hands slide up Josh’s neck and he smiles faintly against his mouth. 

“I love you.” The words make it out of Josh’s mouth but as soon as they do, he shudders and collapses against Tyler, throat burning. He really means it. He can feel Tyler nod into his shoulder and his lanky arms squeeze tightly around Josh’s body. 

They finally pick themselves up off the floor of the bathroom and Tyler leads Josh back to his bunk, pushing him in, then following him inside and curling up against him.

“Go to sleep, Josh.” Josh hears Tyler whisper. 

“Yeah yeah,” Josh grumbles, shuffling himself closer to Tyler in the small space. 

He falls asleep surprisingly quickly. 

 

▽▽▽▽

 

Josh wakes up with a jolt and immediately remembers what had happened the previous night. He’s currently wrapped in Tyler’s arms and Tyler’s face is snuggled into his chest. There’s no way he can get up without waking Tyler up, but then he realizes that if he leaves the bunk, he’s most likely going to have to see Mark. He just shifts uncomfortably, feeling the familiar anxious burning sensation in his throat.

“Johshh,” Tyler adjusts himself, mumbling into Josh’s chest.

“Tyler, wake up.”

Tyler pulls back slowly, untangling himself from Josh and yawning, “Hmm?”

Josh stares at him, “Mark knows.”

Tyler blinks a few times, scrunching his face up in an effort to remember. He gets a knowing look on his face and sighs, whispering, “I promise, I talked to Mark last night after it happened and told him that you’re not ready to tell anyone. He understands.”

Josh doesn’t doubt him. He just sighs unsteadily and leans his forehead against Tyler’s, “Okay. Okay.”

Tyler smiles sweetly, poking at Josh’s side. Josh tries not to yelp and he giggles, shoving back at Tyler before rolling out of his bunk. Tyler follows eagerly.

As they lounge on the couch drinking coffee, Josh feels safe and he most definitely is very in love with Tyler.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for putting up with my writing
> 
> as always if u wanna hmu with prompts or something, my writing blog is streetdaemon @ tumblr


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